A few weekends ago, we had the 11th annual Poole family lobster bake in Cape Elizabeth, Maine. And for those of you who don't know, Maine is a state in the Union, harboring exclusively awesome people.

To support the photographic documentation, the anatomy of a lobster bake looks something like this:

1) Invite people.

2) Get a couple of gas burners, several large pots (with covers), some insulated gloves, water (sea water preferred), Aluminum serving trays.

3) Buy lobsters (Must be maine lobsters, as all non-maine lobsters are just gay crawfish..), Clams, Mussels, Corn, etc.

4) Gather all the items. Place them neatly in the cooking area and then mildly binge drink and play lawn games for the next 2-3 hours. Perhaps longer if it behooves you. Recommended games include. Bocce, Croquet, slip 'n slide, soccer, horseshoes, throwing rocks in the ocean, etc.

5) Have the stark realization that you are probably too drunk to operate heavy machinery, and you should go cook the lobsters before the odds of you pouring a boiling pot of water on your leg push 3:1.

6) You need 2-inches of fully boiling water in each pot.

7) It's a phased process.

Phase 1:Throw the corn in the first pot. put the cover on. let it rip under the highest heat possible for 10 minutes. Put Clams or Mussels in the other pot. put the cover on. let it go for 12 minutes. They're done when sufficiently opened. Put those in Aluminum serving trays.

Phase 2: Dump out those pots. Put 2 inches of boiling water in. dump lobsters in (they taste better if you take the rubber bands off the claws, but your chances of getting clamped by a lobster claw increase 1.5 million %). let them go for 12-15 minutes. Use the insulated gloves to remove from pot and into aluminum trays.

Serve. enjoy. be merry.

Or in our case, we served and then played drinking games and had a bonfire. Not a bad day in Maine, or anywhere else.

Or as Martha Washington would say as she swirls a glass of Chianti by candle light: "I just made that lobster my bitch"