We didn't plan on spending almost seven years in another country. We didn't plan on this country to become a part of me. We were just stopping in for a couple of years of culture learning. We were just learning Spanish for awhile. Only the while became quite long.

Now when I look at my children I'm reminded of birthing two of them in hospitals in Spain. I remember thinking if my screams of pain would be in Spanish or English. I remember my children learning their first words in Spanish and English, and all the comments about how big they were and how blond.

We were just going to be there for a few years, and yet, my oldest son, an American by birth, just learned the pledge of allegiance -- at the age of 10. They are still foreignors in "their" country, they miss the country they grew up in. I miss the country they grew up in.

We've been back in the states for over a year now, and yet it still hard to fit in. We adopted our Spanish culture and it just doesn't work sometimes in the US. Why don't friends sit and talk over a long enjoyable meal here in the US? Why is the goal always retirement, and we don't enjoy today?

I guess I am just thinking outloud. I'm trying to process years of fitting into a culture that wasn't mine. Years of having that culture slowing steep into my soul only to find myself waking up in a culture that sometimes doesn't make any sense. How long does this transition back to "my" country take anyway?