“Check you out! All decked out in your camelbak and buff!”

A chuckle and slight headshake told her she hadn’t given me the benefit of doubt.

Earlier that day, I’d briskly trekked 6 miles just to go deposit a check in an effort to build stamina. After a quick shower and change of clothes, I trekked another 2 miles to the station to catch the train to the Adventures in Travel Expo in downtown DC.

Eagerly anticipating the expo for weeks meant expectations would inevitably be high.  Should have known better. Sure, the mandatory zip line, climbing wall, and inflatable diving pool all made appearances; the rest was filled by tourism bureau representatives and tour companies.  By 5:45 pm, they’d already taken down their displays for the night, fifteen minutes before the official end of the first exhibition day.

My heart went out to them. The Expo coincided with the National Cherry Blossom Festival in DC.

Scurrying over to the makeshift National Geographic theatre – a cordoned off seating area and a large screen – I was looking forward to Gordon Wiltsie’s presentation on his fresh book, “To the Ends of the Earth:  Adventures of an Expedition Photographer”.

Five minutes into his presentation, a guy in the front row got up to leave. A few others followed suit. With patronizing phrases like “Don’t we live on the best planet in the universe or what?!” I wasn’t sure where he was going with the presentation. Getting ready to throw in the towel, I was instantly reeled back in by some of the most jarringly stunning imagery on earth.  

Frigid landscapes from the South Pole. Climbing and living on sheer rock faces for months in the Himalayas. Trekking across the North Pole and frozen Arctic Ocean from Russia to Canada. Surviving avalanches and ice cold tidal waves in Antarctica.  Scaling the Razor in Queen Maud Land, Antarctica. His expeditionary accomplishments were legendary. Gordon’s pictures silenced us. Delving into the raw stories behind astonishing photographs, his laid back, naturally humorous personality eventually emerged and bled through the rest of his presentation. Eliciting chuckles when talking about “endangered” species of fish they might have unknowingly devoured, he shared more nuggets of intrepidness with humor. The glimpse he gave into the world of expedition photography exposed a breed of humans living second by second on razor sharp analytics.

On my way out, I stopped by a few exhibitors who’d decided to stick it out till 6pm, only to be heckled by two “outdoorsy” guys from a very popular tour company.  I chuckled; a loaded gesture which had been perfected through years of being heckled on my travels. My high from Gordon’s presentation made their condescending remarks a bit more palatable.

Of course, I couldn't make every seminar. Will be back at next year’s expo, if only to attend presentations and orgasm at breathtaking photography. Making my way back to Mount Vernon metro, I glanced through glass double doors. Across the street was a line of 20-plus valet attendants all dressed in blue and waiting patiently.  A few feet from them were a red carpet and 2 concierges in top hats and velvet shoulder throws. Black limos carrying dignitaries pulled up, coughing up its occupants in black tuxedos and ballroom dresses.

Curiosity peaked; I rushed over to an older guard, who explains to me that it was a $5000 a plate (probably an exaggeration) ball for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.

“Where are you from?” he asks me. A swift glance at his name tag, and I greeted him in Yòrubá.  His eyes widened with recognition and a genuine laugh of relief escaped a wide gap toothed grin. We are of course from the same small town in Nigeria. He had a Masters degree, had been in the States closing on 30 years, and was working as a security guard.

I spent the next 30 minutes helping him direct missing patrons right back across the street….