I'm going to make a bold statement: avocados are the most masculine fruit.

I know, I know. That's sort of an outdatedly misogynist statement. But, then again, I'm somewhat of an outdated, misogynistic guy, myself (just kidding, of course). So, that's tough...just like avocado skin.

What I mean is, avocados are bad-ass and have a certain bravado about them.

Bravado? Of an Avocado?

I know this is what you're asking.

And I say: YES. Bravado. And lots of it.

Consider this- if an avocado's pit was a testicle, it would be considered enormous.

Why I've come up with this perverted, somewhat inappropriate thought is beyond me and probably the result of a few belligerent neurons firing randomly in my brain and getting caught in the synapses that happen to be clogged with stuffing, turkey, and gravy at this point. But I digress.

Avocados have a thick, hearty exterior and a soft, sensitive pulp inside (just like our conceptions of a "real" man). Their grizzled skin looks to be worn, wrinkled, and weathered by years of nature's tough love.

But Christian, you ask again, what about the fact that avocados have only one pit, one testicle? Isn't that an indication of only being half a man?

And I answer you:

Do you consider Lance Armstrong only half a man because he doesn't have ANY testicles? Or how about John Kruk? Is he a sissy because he's had testicular cancer and conquered it, down only one testicle, himself?

Of course not.

Those gentlemen are excellent examples of masculinity- brave in the face of danger, tough and chiseled on the outside (well, John Kruk is chiseled but it's covered with a couple layers of fat- no one's perfect, after all), and soft and sensitive on the inside.

Just like avocados.

Ok, so maybe the similie is being stretched here, a little.

But that doesn't make it any less awesome.

Consider the avodaco's history:

The "Persea Americana" (the scientific nomenclature of the avocado) originated sometime between 7,000 and 5,000 B.C. in south-central Mexico. This means that the avocado is from "south-central," a locale popularized by many rappers and a notoriously very hardcore, brutal environment...establishing the avocado as one tough mother in fruit terms. It's the Tupac of fruit.

Secondly, archaeologists in Peru have found domesticated avocado seeds buried with Incan mummies dating back to 750 B.C. Buried with Incan mummies? Clearly, that's pretty bad-ass. And if the Incas revered avocados enough to bury them with mummies, that means that they are both iconic in status and provide enough sustenance to feed one throughout the afterlife. Further proof of their fortitude.

Thirdly, California is the leading producer of domestic avocados and home to about 90% of the nation's crop. Most California avocados are harvested on 60,000 acres between San Luis Obispo and the Mexican border, by about 6,800 growers. San Diego County, which produces 60% of all California avocados, is the acknowledged avocado capital of the nation.

What does all this mean?

Well, I'd first point out the fact that the same area of the United States that is usually responsible for producing movie stars and rock stars and politicians and what have you, is also responsible for producing avocados. Coincidence? Of course not.

Also, keep in mind that avocados have Arnold Schwarzenegger as their governor. If that doesn't say tough, I don't know what does.

Finally, California avocados are grown year-round. A single California avocado tree can produce up to 200 pounds of fresh fruit each year, approximately 500 pieces, although most average around 60 pounds or 150 pieces of fruit.

Now, you find me a man that bulks up by 60 pounds a year, and I will dub him the toughest guy on the planet. Add to that the fact that an avocado tree is responsible for AT LEAST 150 offspring every year?

Well, at least now I know how to spell virility: A-V-O-C-A-D-O.

So, if you're not convinced that avocados are the most masculine fruit now, you never will be. And it's not because the case isn't convincing- it's because you're dense.
Many thanks to "avocado.org" for their useful information.