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once upon a time i was drunk at 11:20 on a monday night- 5 weeks before undergrad graduation. i had a paper that was due in 36 hours for a very important class. i had been getting not so great grades that semester and i was not really for sure why. i was putting just as much effort in as i always had...maybe more...and it was my LAST semester at Berry College. it made no sense to me.
i started to feel bad about the bad grades. i started to feel bad that other people would be graduating and moving on to set, predetermined things. i started to feel a little bad for not staying in the library all night,,,and instead going to celebrate a bday.
but then...
i didn't feel all that bad.
i remember that life isn't all that it is cracked up to be.
sure graduating with honor was a goal- and i love to reach goals- but if reaching those goals come at a price where i no longer pay attention to people i love to be with and doing things that i enjoy doing. whats the point? i mean really.
it's like graduating- working for corporate america- making everyone around me say "yep, she did good for herself"...but feeling empty inside.
maybe i am making a good excuse to justify myself at this very moment.
but i would like to rather think that i am justifying myself at this very moment for the sake of knowing that i will smile about this later. i will smile enough to know that i enjoyed the company of friends. that i did not let the stress of the last 5 weeks bear down too deeply. and rest in the assurance that after about 8 hours of sleep i will enjoy some major crunch time of writing a paper for a class that is extreemly important. that it will all get done in due time. in the next 5 weeks (and the rest of my life) i may have small periods of stress and feelings that life sucks...
but when it is all said and done...
i will be happy...
i will feel accomplished...
people will be proud...
and i will be on my way to a new destination...
please tell me if life is really about something other than this?
i mean...i can pry get rid of the whole "people will be proud"...
it's a challenge. i won't lie.
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will you be my friend on this vast, confusing network of adventurers...
"people" will only be proud of stuff that has meaning to them. the only person who absolutely needs to be proud of your life is you. but i think you know that anyway. steady as she goes...
I dropped out in my senior year of college to work in the music business. Ten years later I've been lucky to have worked with some of my idols and toured the world basically for free while doing something I truly love. I say go with what you feel in everything you do. It usually works out for the best in the end.