* May 2007

Being the crazy bag lady on the tube on my way to photoshoots and then
getting lost in an empty station with 97 steps to the top, almost
fainted - luckily I found another straggler who knew about the lift up.

Having
an 80 year old cabbie who could barely see, driving like a madman
through London, who got so excited about telling me about his cruises
with his wife that he then proceeded to get lost. I ended up having to
pull out my map and tell him how to get to Kensington Square.

Jashan Exquisite Indian Cuisine: 19 Turnpike Lane, London N8 OEP

Getting
stuck in a toilet stall, with no reception on my mobile, in a
Whitechapel bar for 15 minutes only to have a homeless woman grunt in
my face when she grudgingly let me out.

Seeing a guy driving down Oxford Circus on a sofa.

Not
being able to get back to Gemma's house because someone had thrown
themselves in front of the tube. And then being told it happens about
once a week. Apparently, tube drivers get paid a ton due to the
fact that it is pretty much certain that they will kill someone at some
point.

Being the only person on a Tuesday night on the tube at
10:30pm who wasn't red faced / wobbling / clutching their head between
their knees / using the walls as support / moaning drunk.

Mother
Mash, 26 Ganton Street (near Carnaby Street). 4 choices of mash, 4
choices of sausages or pies, 3 choices of gravy... What more can you
ask for the day after a hen party?

Naked, completely naked singing and dancing in Caberet, appropriate for children over 12 of course. Yes, lots of jiggly bits.

Getting lost in my rental car in Newbury at 4am, in
torrential downpour, and then following the mail man to the M4 who
turned a corner and crashed into a tree that had fallen across the road.

Getting
to the airport and being told that I was booked on 3 different flights,
none of which was the one I was supposed to be on.

Taking 2
hours repacking my 3 carry ons into one bag, my jacket pockets, my
jeans pockets, down my pants, in my shirt. Finally got through, only to
have to do it again. I had 2 books, my glasses and cigs in my jeans
pockets. Medicine, wallet, passport, camera, misc. toiletries in my
jacket pockets. 4 packs of polaroids and 2 bags of film down my pants.
Laptop case under my shirt. I hope everyone at the airport had a good
laugh. I did. Oh, the only person who offered to help was an 8 year old
girl who agreed that it was absurd that we weren't told about the 1 bag
policy ahead of time, and then helped me jump on my case to close it.

Sat
down to have a smoke and repack everything into my 3 bags. 10 minutes
before I was supposed to board, I headed off to find the gate, only to
realize that the monitor said my gate was closing. Ran to the gate,
boarding hadn't started yet. The bastards.