i just heard it's supposed to snow in jerusalem. this isn't such great news as we're on our way there tomorrow.

of course, it's colder than frozen eskimos in cairo so whatever. new country! israel! whoop! whoop!

not only do we have friends (FRIENDS! people we KNOW!!!) in jerusalem, but we also have place to stay and i can wear the cool ugandan yarmulke i bought again. not so keen on putting that puppy on in egypt. last night? at the mall? signs on the windows reading, "we do not serve citizens of denmark." luckily, i'm a yank and people hate us for reasons that have nothing to do with cartoons. we just start wars and torture prisoners and shoot our hunting partners in the neck. we do NOT condone the mocking of prophets and don't like people who do. except for the danes. and the norwegians. they have such nice eyes!

for all of you who are worried about us, what with the going to israel and terrorist fooferaw and anti-me-ism and brain worms and stuff, we decided to do you a big favour: we bought tickets to fly to sri lanka.

see? now you're not so worried about us going to israel, right?

no, really. it's good. we checked it out and sri lanka should be safe as houses as long as we stay in the south. the tamil tigers are more or less chill these days and no one wants to screw with the few tourists they can get post-tsunami.

but why sri lanka, you ask? well here's how it went.

EXT: FELUCCA - DAY

Zack, Bilge Pump Bob and Roger the Cabin Boy are swaddled in blankets watching their breath puff in the chill Nile River air.

ZACK: We need to go somewhere warm. This is not warm. We need some relaxing on the beach.

BOB: Sri Lanka is supposed to be great, man. It's summat else. I'd go there.

ROGER: I lahved Sri Lankah. Great food, friendly people, cheap.

Zack: Huh.

INT: INTERNET CAFE - DAY

Zack and Bartlebee sit at two computers, typing and reading.

ZACK: Tickets to Sri Lanka from Jerusalem are all $1400! Forget it. Oh. Dude. Look at this! Amman to Sri Lanka? On Emirates? $315. No change fee. Cancelling the tickets? We only lose $20.

BARTLEBEE: Huh!

END

and that, friends, is how great plans are made.