Baby, I'm New in Town
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I got chatted up the other night, I think. At a crowded pub in Toronto, while I held the table and my friends fetched the drinks, a young guy tapped me on the shoulder and asked me about the area. When I said I was new in town, he brightened. "I just moved here too! We should stick together," he said. "Maybe hang out sometime, explore the city," he said. I mumbled my shy excuses until my friends returned. I wasn't trying to be rude, but even if I was single, forward men just don't float my boat. As my friends and I chatted over our drinks, I watched over my shoulder as the guy, one table over, sank back into his book. He was alone at the bar, genuinely new in town, and looking for some company in any form. I listened as he tried to start conversations with a table of students, a couple speaking in Japanese, and a pair of girls at the bar. Clearly, his goal wasn't to get a date. He was just trying to socialize. I felt arrogant for dismissing him as a lonely suitor, and told my friends about the conversation. "It's hard to make friends in Toronto," they said. "It's probably easier to get a date than meet a new friend." I pictured him walking around the city, seeing people laugh together in coffeeshops and restaurants, and wondering how long before he had a social network of his own. I've been there. Anyone who has moved abroad or traveled alone has had those feelings too. So what's the best way to meet new people in a new city? Surely, there must be a means beyond flirtation. Magazine articles would tell you to volunteer, play a team sport, join a book club, and be patient and prepared for the hard truth that friendships don't form overnight. However, I suspect that the guy at the bar wanted more immediate results. Personally, in my ventures overseas, I've been blessed with kind coworkers and some friendly strangers, but I know those circumstances were just lucky. How do you make friends in a new city? Food for thought for the new year... |
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"How do you make friends in a new city?"
Good question! How do you make friends in an old city's another one, especially once you don't have the natural friend-forming places that universities and 9 to 5 jobs offer you.
I realize this may seem, well, odd, but I've actually been making incredible friends through online mediums-- Matador, for one (I've met at least 7 Matador members in Mexico City, New York, San Francisco, and Washington, D.C. in the past year). And even through Stumble Upon and Twitter... where I've found people with similar interests and suggested real-life meet-ups. Every single one of these has been a positive experience. I'm not sure I'd know how to meet people and make friends in a "traditional" setting these days.
I think any big city is the same thing. Everyone has their social groups/cliques...and it is hard to break into them. We were lucky when we moved to Melbourne...the two Aussie couples we met on the road ended up moving here as well (they were both on their way back to Oz after living in London for some years). But for the first 3-4 months, before one of the couples finished their travels and moved here, it was very tough, especially for my wife who worked in a small company and had no peers to make friends with. Even though we had each other, it was a very lonely time, so I can only imagine how it would be for someone single.
You do have to join things, and just get yourself out there. It's next to impossible to spontaneously make friends. Read the bulletin boards in outdoors stores, join a hiking group, sign up on meetup.com and find others with similar interests.
Sign up on CouchSurfing and HospitalityClub and host travelers. Some of those people will become lifelong friends - even though they will physically leave, you will have a new penpal, and someone to visit in some exotic/distant country. Sometimes these websites also have local groups that will meet or hold events (e.g. there is a weekly beginners salsa group that meet every week in Melbourne).
Those are just a few ideas. If all else fails, a library card and a videostore membership will come in handy!
Eva said it best. Awwww.
Awww! Poor guy.
I just realized, reading this, that I don't think I've ever moved somewhere where I didn't already know people, without the safety net of structured activities (read: university)to lean on. Unless you count moving to O-town in grade 3. That was hell. :D
Interesting also that the gals figure Tranna is a particularly tough spot to make friends... I wonder why that is?