I'm apparently a really awkward walker. Walking to work this morning, I saw a lady about 20 feet away from me and as we approached one another, I motioned left as though I was going to pass her on the left, but then tacked right deciding to walk by her on the right. This series repeated itself one more time, until I was 2 feet away from her standing in front of her doing the awkward apologeitc laugh while still trying to get by her. She must have thought I was on crack. 

Sadly, this isn't a random occurrence in my life. Ever since I lived in Australia 6 years ago, I have been a tremendously awkward walker. While there are no written rules correlating the following two activities, it is common sense: In the U.S., we drive on the right side of the road, and without conscientious awareness, we walk on the right side of the sidewalk. You can probably see where I'm going with this: Australians drive on the left, and thusly, they're lefty walkers who I had serious trouble negotiating. (side bar: Not sure if any studies have been completed, but SOMETHING has to assisting in their uncanny ability to consume alcohol, and from now on, I'm going to assume it's because they walk lefty. 105% of Australians I met drank like the average drunk American uncle. This may have also allowed them to get away with using phrases like "too easy" and "get fucked" without fear of being pummeled. "No problem" and "fuck you" worked for centuries. Why change a good thing!?!) 

Anyway, back to my point. I collided with many an Aussie on the footpaths of Brisbane, and that forever made me conscious of what side to pass people on. It's really one of the annoying things in my life. Slightly less annoying then being in an elevator and the door opens then there's the awkward and tenuous moments of who should get off first; Women? people in the middle? if you're close to the buttons, do you "hold" the door open by placing your hand in front of an imaginary sensor until everyone has disembarked? and when everyone stands there waiting for the other person to go, is it appropriate to scream "go you slow fuck"? I suppose not. 

I guess this is slightly more tolerable than the: (Setting: end of meal at medium quality dining establishment in Suburbs) 

Person #1 "I'M paying for dinner" 

Person #2 "NO! I'M PAYING for Dinner!" 

Person #1 "Put that away!" 

Person #2 "Absolutely not, you drove/came/righty walked all the way out here" 

Person #1 "This is ridiculous, you always pay" 

Person #2 "I will slaughter something near and dear to you if you so much as motion to your wallet" 

Person #1 "That's kinda heavy" 

(bill gets opened.. beat).. 

Person #2 "On second thought, let's spit it" 

Person #1 "I don't have my wallet" 

This post has no conclusion. Although in regards to the title, I'm aware the Australians speak english/jersey and the language thing makes no sense. I thought I was going to write about a place with a language barriers.. Hmm, I also performed the two step shuffle dance around people in South America, went on an elevator in italy and paid a restaurant tab in the Old French portion of Montreal. So now the title makes sense. 

Happy week everyone.